


Promise Me

by ThisIsJapaneseLunchTimeRush



Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: Alternate Universe - Childhood Friends, Angst, Depression, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-16
Updated: 2016-12-04
Packaged: 2018-08-22 17:13:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 19,678
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8293579
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThisIsJapaneseLunchTimeRush/pseuds/ThisIsJapaneseLunchTimeRush
Summary: In a raspy and strained voice, Sei’s mom whispered, “S-Sei…Kou…ki.” With a labored breath, she managed a small smile, “D-don’t give…up on…l-love.” Another difficult breath, she asked, “P-promise me?”





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> The first few chapters of this fic were written years ago, but I picked it back up and ran with it. This fic is technically done, but the last chapter needs a lot of work, so I will be slowly uploading it until that gets finished up. 
> 
> As always, shoutout to my forever-beta, StarSeekerSara, without whom I would never upload anything.

“Seijuro, this boy will be your new friend,” the big scary man in the suit said.

“Go say hi, Kouki,” his mother prompted. Kouki was terrified. The boy in front of him was watching him curiously and he didn’t know what to do. The boy—Seijuro, as the man said—seemed about his age (almost five years old), but with beautiful red hair and eyes. Red was Kouki’s favorite color and he wanted to touch the hair, but he was too scared, so he played with his hands and shifted from foot to foot. “Go on,” his mother prompted.

Taking a shaky step forward, he gripped his mother’s pant leg and looked to the floor, “Hello. I-it’s nice to meet you.”

“It’s not nice to lie,” the other boy said coldly. Kouki cringed and backed away behind his mother for protection.

“Seijuro,” the scary man said strictly.

The redheaded boy sighed, “He doesn’t think it’s nice to meet me. He’s obviously too scared. It’ll be just like the last one.”

“Stop scaring them away, then,” the man pushed the boy forward.

“Fine,” the boy grumbled. He walked closer to Kouki and said, “I was just about to color, would you like to join?”

Too scared to say no, Kouki nodded.

“Good. Come along.”

 

 

They become best friends within a week. It turned out that Sei wasn’t scary at all, he just knew a lot of big words and was a lot smarter than Kouki.

They were six, resting after playing basketball on the small court in Sei’s backyard, when Sei let Kouki touch his hair. It was a monumental moment for their relationship. Sei tended not to like being touched and Kouki was too scared to ask, but that day they were sitting almost shoulder to shoulder and Sei had gotten a leaf stuck in his sweat-covered locks.

“May I?” Kouki asked after watching Sei fail to find the small leaf.

Sei looked at him for a long moment before he nodded tentatively.

Reaching over had been nerve-wracking, but when he lifted the strand with the trapped leaf, it felt strangely natural. The red hair was a lot softer than his own boring brown. Getting the leaf free wasn’t very hard, but he pretended it was so he could touch it longer.

“There,” he said, showing the leaf proudly.

Sei’s smile then was strangely warmer than usual. It sent Kouki’s heart fluttering and he didn’t know why. “Thank you,” Sei said. The smile plus the words sent a blush to Kouki’s cheeks.

 

 

Kouki quickly realized he liked Sei more than he liked the other kids in his school. It wasn’t until he was eight and he saw two kids kissing on the playground that it hit him. He wanted to kiss Sei and hold his hand and do all the things they do in movies.

Gathering up the courage had led to one Friday night after a marathon of their favorite cartoon. They were laying down on their stomachs on Sei’s bed and Kouki took a deep breath and asked, “Hey, Sei-chan, have you ever thought about kissing someone? I saw a boy kissing a girl on the playground and…I don’t know.”

Sei turned to him and scrunched his face up, “Gross. Not a girl.”

“Then you _would_ kiss a boy?” Kouki ventured.

Smiling crookedly, Sei said, “Yes I would. But only someone I like.”

With a burst of courage, Kouki asked, “Do you like me?”

Sei’s smile turned into a grin and he nodded.

Kouki felt his cheeks get warm and he leaned over and shyly touched his lips to Sei’s like he’d seen his parents do. He backed away quickly, but Sei pushed him onto his back, took his cheeks, and connected their lips again. Sei’s lips were even softer than his hair and Kouki felt like he couldn’t even think. It was strange. He’d asked one of the boys in his class what it felt like to kiss someone and they hadn’t said anything like this.

Both boys grinning like idiots, they lay down together and began planning their wedding. Sei wanted it to be just the two of them, but Kouki was adamant that their mothers were invited. It was their perfect little world.

 

 

Kouki had just turned ten when they got in trouble. They’d kissed a lot (just plain lip to lip contact) and held hands and cuddled, and one day Sei had kissed him in school. The teacher had looked at them strangely when he saw them holding hands, but the kiss is where he put his foot down.

They were taken into the principal’s office and their parents were called. Kouki’s mother arrived first, looking incredibly nervous. They waited for quite a while before a woman showed up that Kouki knew was not Sei’s mother.

“Where’s mom?” Sei asked. He’d been quiet up until then, nervously tapping his fingers on his thighs while trying to keep his face expressionless. They’d kept the boys across the room from one another so they couldn’t take comfort in each other.

The woman kneeled in front of Sei’s chair and said, “She isn’t feeling well, so I came instead.”

Sei visibly paled. His mom was getting more and more sick and Kouki was worried. She was the only one who loved Sei as much as he did and when she couldn’t be there, Sei’s dad made him work and study. With his mom, Sei had the freedom to play basketball and practice his instruments, but all of that freedom disappeared when his father came into the picture.

The boys were lectured about how it wasn’t appropriate for them to kiss at this age, much less both of them being boys. Sei tried to argue, but as soon as they’d said he couldn’t kiss Sei anymore or hold his hand, Kouki burst into tears.

The adults were adamant, though. They said it would be best if Sei moved classes and Kouki cried harder and Sei argued even more. He was reasonable, but the adults weren’t. Sei and Kouki loved each other, but that didn’t seem to make any difference. Sei told them that the other kids kissed too and the teachers thought it was cute, so why was it different for them? He would not accept that them both being boys was a problem. Kouki agreed, but he couldn’t get himself to form words.

Sei had to be practically dragged out of there, and Kouki’s mom had waited until he’d calmed down a little before taking his hand and leading him away.

On the walk to the car, Kouki mumbled, “Why is it bad that we’re both boys?”

His mother paused. She kneeled in front of him and said, “It isn’t bad, sweetie.”

“Then why can’t we even hold hands anymore?”

Sighing, she said, “Sei-chan’s dad is…he needs Sei-chan to marry a girl.”

“But Sei-chan doesn’t like girls,” Kouki said, feeling frustration building up again.

Smoothing down his hair, his mom said sadly, “I know, but that’s just the way things are.”

Jerking away from her touch, Kouki crossed his arms and said, “Then things are stupid! I love Sei-chan and I won’t let him marry anyone else!”

Cringing, his mother said, “Please, sweetie, please just don’t kiss him anymore and don’t hold his hand. If you do, maybe you can stay friends.”

Kouki felt his lip quiver, so he shut his eyes and turned away from his mother.

Neither of them said anything else on the whole trip home.

 

 

The very next day, Sei was put in the other class. They still saw one another during breaks and lunch, but they were watched. It was sad. All Kouki wanted to do was to be close to Sei. All of his life he’d been told that love was good, but now that he loved another boy, it wasn’t allowed. It made no sense to him.

Sei was obviously furious. Everything was going wrong. His mother wasn’t getting better and now they’d been separated. Kouki wasn’t even allowed to go to Sei’s house anymore. They would sit and eat lunch together just trying to find topics that weren’t sad. It was hard. With so much going on, neither of them could find it in themselves to go back to how things were before they spent almost every waking moment together.

 

 

A week later, Kouki was woken up late at night by a strange sound. It sounded a few more times before he realized it was his window. Walking over and taking a look outside, he saw Sei, who waved to him with a big smile.

Opening the window, he waved back. “Sei-chan, what are you doing here so late?” he asked in a whisper.

Sei said, “Let me in through the back.”

Kouki nodded and padded down the stairs as quietly as he could. His parents and brother were asleep and he didn’t want to wake them up. Opening the door, he let Sei in and they tiptoed back to his room hand in hand. It felt good to have Sei’s hand in his again. He’d missed it.

They got into Kouki’s bed and cuddled together. Sei kissed his cheek. Neither of them said anything for a long time, just taking comfort in being together. He ran his fingers in a slow circle on Sei’s back and felt the powerful presence that always calmed him down.

After a while, Sei said quietly, “My mom got worse again.” Kouki froze. “She can’t breathe on her own anymore. There are machines in her room and doctors and nurses. I don’t think she’s going to get better.”

Pulling Sei closer, Kouki said, “Don’t say that! Everything will be okay.”

Sei shook his head, “It won’t.”

“It will! It has to! Everything will work out!”

“Keep it down or your parents will wake up,” Sei whispered, tightening his grip on Kouki. They stayed like that for a while, gripping one another like their lives depended on it.

What broke their embrace was a yawn from Kouki.

Sei smiled, “Go to sleep.”

“Will you stay?”

“Of course.”

 

 

The doorbell woke the two up and Kouki was too groggy to realize what might be coming. All he really cared about was the red haired boy whose arms he was wrapped in. He wished he could wake up like this every day.

Then the door to his room burst open and Sei’s father marched in with their head of security on his heel. They were an intimidating pair and Kouki was paralyzed by fear. He’d always been afraid of Sei’s father, but the security guard was the biggest man Kouki had ever seen and though he was a nice guy every time they met, Kouki was still terrified.

Sei sat up and Kouki followed, trembling. There was a stare down between the father and son until Sei’s dad said in an icy tone, “This will never happen again.” It was clearly a threat meant for both of the boys.

Sei took Kouki’s hand and said, “I love him and you can’t stop that.” How he managed to keep his voice even, Kouki would never know.

Ignoring that, his father asked, “Will you come on your own or do you wish to be dragged out?”

“I’ll go willingly. Give me a minute.”

Huffing, Sei’s dad said, “You have half.” With that, they walked out of the room.

Kouki suddenly found himself being tackled in a tight hug. “Kouki, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. This is my fault and now we’ll get in trouble again.”

Hugging Sei back, Kouki said, “It’s okay. We’ll be okay.”

“No, I don’t think we will this time,” Sei whispered. “I’m so sorry.”

“Sei-chan, you don’t have to apologize, everything will be okay.”

“It won’t.”

Kouki wondered how Sei could keep his voice so level while saying such things. “You can’t give up! No matter what happens, we’ll find a way to make it work. We will. We have to.”

“What if we can’t?”

“We _will._ And you know why? Because there isn’t anyone I love more than you and there never will be.”

Loosening his grip on Kouki, Sei allowed himself a smile, “I love you too.”

The door opened and Sei’s dad said, “We’re leaving.”

With a quick kiss and another tight hug, Sei got up and followed his father out, fists clenched and hands shaking.

It took Kouki a bit to pull himself together before he ran out of his room on shaking legs and watched Sei being led out of his house. It was a miracle he didn’t fall down the stairs as he stopped at the top and gripped the banister with all of his strength. He swallowed down the lump in his throat as his mom turned to face him. Before she could say anything, he steeled himself and said, “It’s not fair.”

She looked worried as she walked up the stairs towards him. “Kouki, why did you let him into our house in the night?”

“Because he came and we haven’t been able to see each other a lot,” he said as she ushered him into his room.

She sat on his bed and he sat down at his desk, watching her with as blank of an expression as he could manage. It came out fairly well after having watched Sei do it so often. “Sweetie,” his mother began, “You can’t see Sei-chan anymore, do you understand?”

“No! I don’t! I don’t understand why it’s bad! If love is supposed to be good, then why is it bad to love Sei?”

That obviously took his mother by surprise. He’d never yelled at her like this. Her voice was strained as she said calmly, “It’s not bad to love a boy, but you _can’t_ love Sei-chan. Not like that. You can still be friends if you just—“

“Why?!” He lost his control and burst into tears. “W-why can’t I? Adults don’t make any sense!”

“You’ll understand when you’re older, it’s—“

“No!”

“It’s because Sei-chan needs to marry a girl!”

“Why?!”

“Because two boys can’t have a baby!”

“Then we can adopt! It’s not a big deal! Rin-chan is adopted and she’s perfectly fine!”

His mother clearly lost her patience. She got up and kneeled in front of him, her voice dropping into a warning tone, “Kouki, you can’t see Sei-chan again. If you do, we’re going to move far away.”

Wiping his eyes, he looked away and crossed his arms.

He was done talking with her.

 

 

The next day, he didn’t see Sei in the morning. That was concerning, so when lunch came around, he wandered towards his class.

Before Kouki could get too far, his arm was grabbed and he was pulled into one of the broom closets. He was about to freak out, but the light came on and he saw Sei standing facing the door. He breathed a sigh of relief before Sei turned with a smile on his face.

Kouki froze. The smile was _not_ one Kouki had seen before, but that wasn’t the only difference. Sei’s hair was shorter and his eyes—now two different colors—were cold and not at all the Sei he knew. This was _not_ Sei-chan.

“Kouki,” he said, his voice even and almost purring. It sent Kouki’s knees shaking in fear.

Looking between the one red eye and the one golden one, Kouki shook his head, “Y-you’re not Sei-chan.”

The red haired boy stepped forward and Kouki flinched, taking a step back. “Of course I am,” the boy said. “Who else would I be?”

Kouki had never been scared of Sei before (excluding their first meeting), but now he was terrified. This Sei-chan had the same aura about him as Sei’s father. The golden eye, the shorter hair, everything was wrong with this. Everything. Even the way Sei moved now was faster and more precise. His movements were fluid as he took another step forward.

“S-Sei-chan, if you’re still there, please come back! Please!”

He wasn’t sure what it was, but the boy in front of him paused, closing his eyes.

“Sei-chan?”

When Sei’s eyes opened again, they were both red. Kouki felt relief wash over him as Sei stepped back and said, “Kouki…I’m…I’m sorry, I don’t…he just…”

Stumbling forward, Kouki practically fell into Sei’s arms. “A-are you okay? What happened?”

Sei hugged him tightly and said, “I’m…not sure. I just…t-there’s another me, but he’s _not_ me and…my dad was yelling at me yesterday and I lost it. I lost control and he took over and I’m sorry.”

“Y-you didn’t get into too much trouble, did you?”

Giving Kouki a kiss on the cheek, Sei said, “No more than usual.”

“What happened to your hair?”

Looking away, Sei said, “T-the other me cut it. He said it was getting in the way. That made my dad even more mad.”

“Well, at least he did a pretty good job,” Kouki said, reaching up and ruffling Sei’s now shorter bangs.

Sei chuckled, “You think so?”

Smiling, Kouki kissed Sei and said, “Yup. Though we should get out of here and go eat lunch before—“

The door swung open and Kouki’s teacher glared down at them. The atmosphere suddenly dropped a few degrees as a heavy pit settled into Kouki’s stomach. He jumped back and looked at the floor, embarrassed and hoping that the teacher wouldn’t—

“Let’s go. Principal’s office.”

“This is absurd. We weren’t—“

“No talking,” the teacher cut Sei off.

Seeing as they were already in trouble, Kouki reached out and took Sei’s hand, ignoring it when the teacher demanded they separate.

They sat together as their parents were called, hands refusing to part. Kouki _was_ getting a bit nervous, though. It was partially his fault that Sei would be getting in trouble again. Not like _he_ wouldn’t also get in trouble, but that thought didn’t bother him as much as the thought of making Sei’s life any harder than it already was. Besides, his mom hadn’t actually done anything besides lecture him and her lectures were pointless and made no sense. She wouldn’t see reason, so he tended to ignore her after an initial argument.

His mom came in and as soon as she saw them, she took a deep breath and kneeled in front of her son. “Kouki, please, you have to let Sei-chan’s hand go. You’ll get into a lot of trouble again if you’re seen.”

Kouki pouted, refusing to let go.

She turned to Sei and said, “Please. You two can still save your friendship, but you _can’t_ have a relationship. Before your father sees, let Kouki’s hand go.”

Sei turned to Kouki and with one final squeeze, their hands parted. As soon as the comfort of having Sei there disappeared, Kouki felt almost lost. His lip quivered, but he refused to cry. Instead, he crossed his arms and looked out the window.

A few minutes of him watching a bird later, Sei got up. Kouki looked to him and Sei smiled at him sadly and went to sit down two chairs over. Kouki’s mom gave him a thankful look and sat down next to her son.

They waited another five or so minutes before the door opened and Sei’s dad walked in. The air seemed to instantly get cold and heavy. “Seijuro,” he said, staring down his son, “You were warned, now you will suffer the consequences.”

“You don’t even know what happened,” was Sei’s even response.

“I don’t need to know the details. You think you’re in love with this boy, but you’re not.” Sei looked ready to continue arguing, but his dad turned to Kouki’s mom, “Furihata-san, we have quite a few things to discuss.”

She nodded back, her face fighting for a neutral expression. Kouki had never seen his mom look so worried before. The knot in his chest tightened and his lip began to tremble. Shutting his eyes, he tried his best to keep his tears back. The adults kept talking, but Kouki couldn’t hear them through his efforts not to cry. It was just mumbling in the background as the tears kept welling up in his eyes.

Curling his knees in on the chair, Kouki’s resolve broke. The tears came fast and he covered his face with his hands. He didn’t want Sei to get in any more trouble and that’s exactly what was happening.

A hand on his shoulder snapped him from his tears. He looked up to find his mom’s soft brown eyes watching him with worry. “Hey, Kouki, let’s go home, okay?”

With a sob, Kouki nodded. Taking his mom’s hand, he got off the chair and wiped his eyes enough to see Sei through the blur of tears. Sei gave him a weak smile before his mom tugged lightly on his hand and led him out of the office.


	2. Chapter 2

Everything was eerily quiet the next few days. Kouki’s mother wouldn’t talk to him more than necessary and even his dad was quieter than usual. Neither the teacher nor the principal did anything else and Sei and Kouki were still allowed to have (supervised) lunch together.

Sei knew something was wrong, but he didn’t know what. Nobody would tell him anything and his mom was not getting better. Even Kouki was starting to believe that things wouldn’t work out. Everything was so wrong that he couldn’t even see a way for everything to turn out okay.

What really set both boys on edge was when on Saturday morning, Kouki’s mom drove him to Sei’s huge house. He was glad to see Sei, but his mom wouldn’t even talk to him when he asked what was going on.

The moment he stepped into Sei’s house, Sei shook his head, “Something’s wrong.”

Kouki nodded, “Yeah…but what could it be?”

Sei took a deep breath and straightened out his shoulders. “Kouki…I think we should try to take advantage of this opportunity. I know something isn’t right, but if we waste this day thinking about it, we might lose the chance to spend some good time together. What do you say?”

With a sad smile, Kouki said, “I think we should play basketball.”

 

 

And they did. They played basketball for hours. Then they went in for lunch and tried their best to ignore the heavy cloud hanging over their heads. They had fun, but there was always that feeling nagging at them to be cautious.

Dinner came and the boys got really worried. Usually Kouki would go home before dinner if he wasn’t staying overnight. When nobody showed up to take Kouki home even after dinner, the boys sat down in Sei’s room and Sei sighed, “Ignoring this isn’t working. There is definitely something wrong.”

“But what could it be? Why would they try to separate us and then suddenly let me spend the night here? It doesn’t make any sense.”

Sei shut his eyes and leaned back on the floor, “I don’t know. I don’t _want_ to think about this, but I _need_ to know. _We_ need to know.” More to himself, Sei mumbled, “What could they be hiding from…”

Kouki saw Sei stiffen. He even stopped breathing. “S-Sei-chan, are you—“

“Fine. I’m fine.” He didn’t look fine. When he sat up, there was an uneasy smile on his face that didn’t reach his red eyes, “Kouki, would you like to listen to me practice? I haven’t played the piano all day.”

Knowing that something was really wrong, Kouki said, “Sei, what is it?”

“Nothing. Let’s go.” With another forced smile, Sei grabbed his hand and pulled him out of the room.

 

 

Listening to Sei play calmed him down. It unnerved him to know that Sei had probably figured out what was going on and wouldn’t share. He hated the fact that whenever he asked, Sei would change the subject or ignore the question. They sat on the piano bench together, Kouki leaning his head on Sei’s shoulder as the redhead’s small hands flew over the keys.

Half an hour into their playing, one of the household staff came over and made a strange request. Speaking to Sei, he said, “Your mother wants to see the two of you.”

Sei was off the stool faster than Kouki could blink. Without saying a word, Sei grabbed his hand and began running. They sprinted down hallways that Kouki had never been down until Sei stopped in front of a large door and knocked.

The door was opened and the sight inside made Kouki want to cry. Sei’s mom—who he’d known for years—was laying on a clean bed with white sheets, machines attached to her and doctors and nurses bustling around the room. A tight knot twisted Kouki’s stomach, but Sei moved closer to the bed, Kouki’s hand still held firmly in his.

They came right up to the bed and Kouki couldn’t help the tears already beginning to gloss his eyes over.

He had seen one person who was dying before, and this looked too much like it. His grandpa had wanted to see him before he died. Just like Sei’s mom, his skin was paper white and his eyes were dull, like he couldn’t focus on anything. He’d had less machinery on him too, which made it even harder for Kouki to hold back his tears.

Sei’s mom gave a waiting nurse a look and the nurse took the thing off of her mouth. In a raspy and strained voice, Sei’s mom whispered, “S-Sei…Kou…ki.” With a labored breath, she managed a small smile, “D-don’t give…up on…l-love.” Another difficult breath, she asked, “P-promise me?”

One of the machines started to beep and the nurse put the thing over Sei’s mom’s face again. The beeping stopped soon enough, and Kouki swallowed down the lump in his throat and said, “P-promise,” with a determined nod. Sei nodded too, but his nod was weaker.

One of the nurses ushered the boys out of the room quickly. As soon as they were out in the hallway, Kouki broke down. This wasn’t fair. Sei didn’t deserve this. He deserved to be happy and everything was just turning out wrong.

Sei looked surprised by his sudden outburst. Kouki didn’t give him time to process. He pulled Sei into a tight hug and cried into his shoulder.

They were friends. They were _best_ friends. This wasn’t how the movies went. Best friends were happy forever. Kouki wasn’t happy. Sei _definitely_ wasn’t happy. Everything was going so poorly.

Sei wound his arms around Kouki and the brunet felt his friend’s shoulders tremble. Sei was crying. This was beyond bad. Sei never cried. He was always so calm. This sent Kouki’s tears into the next level.

The boys descended into sobs together, clinging onto one another with everything they had.

 

 

They stood there weeping until one of the household staff came by to usher them to Sei’s room, where they cuddled together and Kouki cried on. Sei didn’t say anything, he just let Kouki weep and hugged him tightly.

 

 

Kouki awoke to a knock on the door. Rubbing sleep from his eyes, he noted that Sei was next to him, already awake. He was watching the door to his room with a blank expression. It wasn’t even that sleepy sort of blank, but the kind where Kouki couldn’t read a single emotion in Sei’s features.

Neither of them said anything, but the door opened and Kouki’s mom walked into the room. Her eyes were puffy and red, but she had a smile on her face. “Hey, Kouki, say goodbye, okay? We’re leaving soon.”

She left the room and Kouki turned to the redhead and said, “Sei, please tell me what’s going on.”

Sei looked away and the worry on his face had Kouki’s stomach in knots. The redhead knew. He knew what was happening. He always did…but usually he was quick to share it with his friend.

“Sei, please,” Kouki repeated, taking the redhead’s hand.

“I can’t,” Sei whispered.

“Why not?! Please, Sei, please, you have to tell me!”

“I can’t,” Sei said. “It’ll be easier like this.” Turning to him, red eyes met brown and Sei gave Kouki a weak smile, “Let’s just say bye for now and…” With a deep breath, the redhead squeezed Kouki’s hand before letting go and hopping off the bed. “Come on, I’ll walk you to the door.”

Kouki got off the bed and took Sei’s hand again.

They walked slowly, hand in hand. The whole long walk from Sei’s room to the door made Kouki feel uneasy. He still didn’t know what was going on, but if both Sei and his mom were worried, then this was bad.

Every step was more and more difficult to take. If he didn’t have Sei with him, holding his hand and pulling him along, he wasn’t sure he would have made it. He just wanted to go back to how things were before. He wanted to laugh and smile with his best friend and play basketball and take walks with both of their moms…

They got to the front door where Kouki’s mom was waiting and Sei suddenly pulled Kouki into a tight hug. “I love you,” he said, voice soft.

“I love you too,” Kouki responded, squeezing Sei right back.

This didn’t feel right. They would see one another at school on Monday, right? So why did it feel like Sei would never see him again?

“Kouki, let’s get going,” his mom said.

The boys let each other go and Sei gave Kouki one final kiss on the cheek and smiled, “Be safe, okay?”

Kouki didn’t know how to respond to that, so he nodded and let his mom take his hand and walk him from the door.

He got into the car and watched Sei standing at the door as his mom drove off. He waved and Sei waved back.

Watching his best friend shrink away into the distance, Kouki felt his lip tremble. He didn’t want to cry. There was no reason to cry. They’d see each other again soon, even if they were supervised, they could still hang out…

Then why did his mom also look on the verge of tears?

Once Kouki could no longer see Sei or his giant house, he turned and stared forward at the road. It was so familiar. He’d been seeing it almost every single day for years, but it felt different now. It felt longer. Everything seemed gray and sad and it was that weird time between fall and winter that Kouki didn’t like.

He wanted winter to come sooner. Sei’s birthday was in the winter, which meant that they could hang out. Or…hopefully they would. If the adults would let them.

And then they turned onto Kouki’s street and immediately, Kouki knew what was happening. There was a large moving truck parked in front of their house. His dad and brother were standing outside, probably waiting for the two of them to arrive.

They were moving.

He wouldn’t be seeing Sei again.

In a sudden crash of tears, Kouki flung the car door open and ran.

“Kouki!” his mom screamed, car screeching to a halt.

He sprinted faster as he heard his mom calling for his dad to go after him.

This couldn’t happen. He wouldn’t let it. He wasn’t going to leave Sei like that.

Running faster than he’d ever ran before, Kouki turned down the cold familiar streets, not sure what he was even doing. He just needed to see Sei again. That was all that mattered.

Tears stubbornly falling down his cheeks, Kouki sped through the open gate of Sei’s huge house and ran down the long drive towards the door. He was so close. Maybe if he just hid in Sei’s house, his parents would leave without him? There were so many rooms, maybe they wouldn’t be able to find him.

Before he could get to the door, he was scooped up by his dad, who was breathing hard. “Kouki, don’t you ever jump out of the car while it’s still moving again! That was—“

“I don’t care! I’m not going! Sei!” he struggled against his dad’s hold and screamed at the top of his lungs, “SEI! I’m not leaving! Let me go!” Crying harder, he tried to push himself away from his dad and wept, “No please! Please, I don’t wanna go! Sei!”

Through his tears, he saw a head of red hair peek through one of the windows. The red disappeared and soon enough, the door opened and Sei ran out the door, one of the household staff scurrying after him.

“Kouki!” he called.

With a defeated sigh, his dad let him go and Kouki ran to Sei, hugging him tightly. “I’m not moving! They can’t make me! I don’t wanna leave you!” Kouki cried.

“I-I’m sorry I didn’t tell you,” Sei said, a definitely wobble to his voice.

“Don’t apologize, I’m not going anywhere! I refuse!”

Sei sniffled and repeated, “I’m so sorry, Kouki. I love you. I’m sorry.”

“I’m not giving up! Don’t apologize! We promised your mom, so I’m not giving up!”

“Kouki, we have to go,” his dad said. “We can’t be late for this, okay?”

Ignoring his dad, Kouki hugged Sei tighter. He wouldn’t let go so easily.

 

 

It took the adults a long time to part the boys and Kouki left kicking and screaming as Sei cried and watched Kouki’s family go. Sei’s dad had come outside to witness the fuss and that had left Sei defeated.

Kouki didn’t care anymore. Sei’s dad was still scary, sure, but he was also evil. It was his fault the boys couldn’t just be happy together. If he’d just realized that Sei didn’t like girls, maybe Kouki wouldn’t have to move away.

As soon as Kouki got strapped into the car, he felt numb.

Everything was wrong. His life was over. Everything good had come to an end.

He slumped in the seat and idly watched the sky, ignoring everything his parents said. He’d refused the breakfast they offered him and chose instead to think back on everything he could have done to stop what was happening. His brother wasn’t talking to him. He’d blamed Kouki for having to move away and so he sat there furiously tapping away at his handheld game.

They moved into a large house and no matter how many fake happy smiles his parents gave, Kouki didn’t smile back.

He had no reason to.

He’d lost his love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There it is! Chapter 2! Hope you enjoyed! 
> 
> I'll be updating every Saturday 
> 
> The ending of this fic is being rewritten because it was bad, so if at some point I need to delay updating, I'll let you guys know, but hopefully that won't happen. Fingers crossed.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kouki shall now be known as Furi, because reasons.

The freshmen lay on the floor, limbs throbbing in pain. Coach had not been kidding when she said training camp would be hell. Furihata hadn’t been expecting not to be able to feel his legs, though. They were at the beach, so he figured maybe some running, some swimming, some basketball…but no, Coach had practically murdered them. Especially Kagami, who had passed out the moment he got back to their shared room.

Kawahara instantly suggested they draw on his face, but he couldn’t find a marker, so he gave up. Instead, he’d roped the remaining barely-alive freshmen into a late night game he found on his phone. It was really just a bunch of weird questions and you were supposed to answer honestly.

Either way, he wouldn’t let them sleep if they didn’t play (except for Kagami, who could have died and none of them would have noticed).

“Alright, first question is to Kuroko. Let’s see what you get,” Kawahara said, tapping his phone. As soon as he saw the question, he burst out laughing.

So they could move the game along (because Furihata was pretty sure they all just wanted to go to sleep), Fukuda took the phone and read out, “If you were a ghost, what would you do?” Putting the phone down, he shook his head, “Really? This is dumb.”

“Well, w-what would you do?” Kawahara asked, getting his giggling under control.

In a completely serious tone, Kuroko said, “I would get better at basketball and beat Aomine-kun.” That made sense. Their loss to Aomine was still fresh on their minds. The Inter High hadn’t quite ended on a positive note for Seirin and even though not all of them played, the whole team felt that loss.

“But if you’re a ghost, wouldn’t you not be able to touch the ball?” Furihata asked.

“Let’s move on, that one was…too appropriate. Furi!” Kawahara said, startling the jittery point guard.

“Oh no,” Furihata grumbled. He dreaded games like this. He couldn’t lie for shit and they’d all know if he did, but what if it was a question he didn’t want to answer?

“Don’t look so scared,” Kawahara waved him off, hitting his phone for a new question. “Okay your question is…what don’t you see eye to eye on with your parents?”

Cringing, Furihata said, “Everything? W-we’re not exactly on the best of terms.” They hadn’t been since the move. Sure, his parents had tried to bond with him again, but he didn’t forgive himself and he was pretty sure they didn’t forgive him either. It had been his fault their entire lives were uprooted.

“Okay, that’s depressing. Next question is—“

“To you,” Fukuda said, plucking the phone from Kawahara. “What was your last conversation to an animal about?”

“Oh, easy! My dog wouldn’t poo, so I tried to bribe him. It didn’t work, I had to take him back in and then back out like ten minutes after. That one was boring, let’s do something exciting!” Taking the phone back, he turned to Kuroko and said, “You’re next!” Hitting his phone again, Kawahara’s face fell and he said flatly, “Describe your sex life in a facial expression.”

Kuroko nodded and kept his face blank.

“Alright, next up is Furi! I’m finding a more exciting question for you.” Kawahara sat there tapping at his phone for a while before he asked, “Have you ever been in love?”

Cheeks instantly lighting up, Furihata looked away and said, “Y-yeah.” Even after all that time, he’d never forget Sei.

“Ooh, do tell!” Kawahara said, giving Furihata his full attention.

“You know, I don’t think you ever told us who the girl you confessed to was. The one who said she wouldn’t date you if you weren’t the best at something,” Fukuda noted.

Well that was easier to answer than the being in love question. “It’s…sort of embarrassing and I don’t even know why I asked her out in the first place, but…”

“Just tell us who she is,” Kawahara said.

“Uh…S-Saito-san,” he said, blushing harder. He didn’t love her, but he was definitely attracted to her. Or…she reminded him of Sei a little.

“The arrogant redhead?! Wow, I wouldn’t have guessed,” Kawahara nodded, surprise on his face. “And you actually asked her out?”

Hiding his face in his hands, Furihata mumbled, “Yeah. I just sort of blurted out that I really like her hair and…yeah.” Her hair wasn’t nearly as beautiful as Sei’s was, but it was still a really nice and bright red and that had definitely gotten his attention right off the bat. Apparently he had a type. Redheaded, assertive, and incredibly smart.

“And she said she’d actually go out with you if you became the best at something?” Fukuda asked, sounding more like he was confirming the existence of unicorns than anything.

“W-well she said I was boring, but if I became number one at something, she said she’d consider. I d-don’t really know why I even bothered. I mean, she’s _way_ out of my league and I’ve never even had a proper conversation with her or anything and—“ He cut off his own rant and said, “L-let’s just move on, please.”

Taking the phone, Fukuda said, “Kawahara. Your turn.” He tapped the phone and said, “If this was a porno, of the people in this room, who would do who?” In a flat tone, he added, “Where exactly did you find this game?”

Ignoring that comment, Kawahara scoffed, “Well, obviously Kagami would do Kuroko.”

All eyes turned to the shadow. Kuroko definitely had a blush on his face, but his expression remained stoic.

“I don’t think Kagami could do anything right now,” Fukuda said, turning to the slightly snoring redhead nearby.

“But he _would,_ ” Kawahara argued. “They’re basically an old married couple.”

That set off a squabble between the two, which Kuroko took as his que to go to sleep. Furihata followed suit, laying down and trying to ignore his two friends.

 

 

It had taken Kawahara and Fukuda a good ten minutes to notice that the others had gone to sleep, at which point they agreed that yes, Kagami would—given different circumstances—do Kuroko. Furihata wasn’t exactly sure why that was so important to figure out, but he hoped none of this reached Kagami’s ears.

They went to sleep and Furihata listened to their breathing even out.

But he couldn’t sleep.

Sure, the Inter High had crushed their team, but it had affected Furihata in a way much different than the others. Yeah, he was bothered by being so thoroughly defeated by Aomine and the rest of Touou, but unlike his teammates, Furihata had gone to see the Inter High final.

The game hadn’t even been what he was focused on. The only thing he could see in the entire arena was the gorgeous redhead that he’d once called his best friend.

…except it wasn’t.

This wasn’t his Sei. The boy sitting on the bench, watching his teammates as they demolished Touou, was Akashi Seijuro. This was the boy Furihata had only met once in the broom closet back in elementary school.

Furihata had known for a while that his Sei was gone. Obviously when the Generation of Miracles became stars, he’d recognized his first love…but as their victories progressed, Furihata had seen the difference. He saw the one golden eye and the complete change in everything the redhead did. From the way he moved to the way he spoke to the way he played basketball. Everything was off.

Furihata had cried when he saw this difference. The Sei he had loved wasn’t the one who flattened his opponents and used his teammates.

Watching him from the stands of the Inter High made Furihata feel hollow. He couldn’t help but wonder if he could have done something to keep Sei from losing himself. If they had remained friends through middle school, could Furihata have changed the outcome? Would his presence have mattered? Would Sei still be able to smile and say he loved him?

Probably not.

Furihata knew that he wasn’t strong enough to have made a difference. He wasn’t strong enough to bring his Sei back…

And that’s why he’d really been crushed by the defeat at the Inter High. He wanted to face Akashi and see if his Sei was still somewhere in there. Even if they couldn’t be together again, he wanted Sei to be happy, and Akashi didn’t seem like he cared for happiness.

Furihata just wanted to see his friend again.

Except he couldn’t. If by some miracle he even got his Sei back, there was still the problem of Sei’s dad. He couldn’t have changed that much in that amount of time. He’d still never approve, even if they were just friends. He’d tear them apart again and Furihata didn’t want to put himself or—much more importantly—Sei through that again.

 

 

Training camp continued to be hell. Especially considering that they had to play Shutoku.

Furihata wasn’t used to this level of play, particularly because he’d barely slept at all the night before.

He’d been up half the night—like every night since he’d watched the Inter High finals—thinking of Sei and wondering how different things would be had their teacher not caught their kiss.

 

 

Furihata wasn’t sure how, but Kawahara had managed to rope the first year duo of Shutoku into playing that question game with them. Kagami was actually awake too, so the mousy brunet couldn’t see this ending well. Kagami and Kuroko still weren’t talking much and to be frank, Takao sort of scared him. He was a little too bubbly.

And apparently Kawahara had played the game wrong and they were all supposed to answer and have a host, so naturally he was the host. “Alright, first question,” Kawahara said, tapping his phone. “If I gave you three empty picture frames, how would you fill them? Let’s start at Fukuda.”

“Uh…probably one for family, one for friends, and probably one for some video game fanart or something,” Fukuda shrugged.

“Boring, next. Furi?”

Shrugging, Furihata said, “F-friends, probably?” He knew two of them would definitely be him and Sei. He even knew which pictures. One would be of the first time he’d been brave enough to get on a horse. Sei was on the ground, holding the horse’s reigns. Yukimaru had terrified Furihata at first. The second would be a picture of them with their moms at Tokyo Disney.

“This question is boring, I’m finding a better one,” Kawahara said, hitting the phone. “Ooh! I like this one. Tell the story of your first kiss! Let’s start with Kagami!”

Kagami’s face instantly turned completely red. “I’ve n-never been kissed, technically, so…”

“Technically?” Kawahara asked.

“W-well my trainer in America liked to kiss literally anyone she could, so, yeah…she ambushed me.”

“You’re really bad at telling stories. Come on, how old were you? Paint us a picture.”

“I don’t know…we were on a basketball court and I was like…fourteen?”

“Alright, Takao-kun, your turn,” Kawahara said. “I bet you tell better stories.”

With a giggle, Takao said, “Well, since mine and Shin-chan’s are the same, I’ll tell it for both of us. It was a few weeks ago and Shin-chan was a bumbling mess, but—“

“That’s enough, Takao,” Midorima said, a blush on his face as he fixed his glasses.

“You’re no fun. Kuroko?”

“An old friend of mine, Ogiwara-kun. This was towards the end of elementary school.”

“Ooh, a young one. Furi?”

“Uh…I was…eight, and…yeah,” he said. He’d skip the fact that two of the people present knew the boy he’d kissed. It wasn’t lying if he just didn’t say anything.

“Wow. That is young. Fukuda?”

Shrugging, Fukuda said, “My first girlfriend in middle school. No exciting story to it.”

“You guys are so boring,” Kawahara huffed. “I am going to find a really interesting question.”

“ _Or,_ ” Takao chimed in, “We could make the _game_ more interesting. How about Kagami pops over to the convenience store down the street and gets a few beers. He could _easily_ pass for an adult. Or Shin-chan.”

“ _No_ ,” Midorima huffed.

“Here’s one. What’s the most dangerous thing you’ve ever done?” Kawahara asked. “Fukuda?”

“Uh…does standing on the school roof count? The time Coach made us scream the reason we wanted to join basketball.”

“That’s fair. Furi?”

“Um…I hopped out of a moving car once?” At the variety of disbelieving looks he got, he shrugged, “It wasn’t going very fast.”

“And why would you do this?” Kuroko asked.

“I didn’t want to move and leave a good friend of mine,” Furihata answered.

“Kuroko?” Kawahara asked.

“Going on a hike through the mountains with Aomine-kun and Kise-kun. Kise-kun almost tackled me off of the edge when he saw an earthworm.”

“That does sound terrifying. Midorima?”

Pushing up his glasses the green haired Miracle said, “Playing Akashi’s father in chess.”

Both him and Kuroko got the same distant look on their faces and Furihata wanted nothing more than to scream that that wasn’t Sei. Sei wouldn’t hurt his friends. He just wouldn’t. He’d never act like this _Akashi_ was acting. Not his Sei.

“Takao?” Kawahara asked.

Takao laughed, “Where do I even start? Though I guess maybe the _most_ dangerous thing I’ve ever done is—“

The door to their room burst open and Coach walked in with a glare, “If you have time for games, maybe I didn’t give you enough practice? Go to sleep or get your asses to the gym!”

She shut the door behind her and Midorima stood up. “Come, Takao,” he said, walking out.

“To be continued?” Takao asked, jogging to keep up with Midorima’s long strides.

“We should get some sleep,” Kuroko said.

“Y-yeah,” Furihata agreed.

As they got ready for bed, all Furihata could think about was Sei. This game was dangerous. He was afraid he’d slip up or say too much or…He wasn’t even sure what would be so bad about his teammates knowing he had a past with Akashi, but he definitely did _not_ want to explain it. Besides, he didn’t want to out the redhead just in case people didn’t know he was gay, which Furihata would bet that nobody did. Sei’s dad had been very clear that his son being attracted to men would not be tolerated. He’d _literally_ moved Furihata and his family away because of it.

But there was a plus to the game. If Midorima had played Akashi’s terrifying dad, then he must have been close to the redhead, right?

 

 

“M-Midorima-kun?” Furihata called, walking over to the green haired Miracle, who was walking towards where the team busses were parked with his things. Shutoku was leaving first, but Furihata didn’t want to waste the opportunity. This was probably the only time they would ever be alone together and the brunet definitely didn’t want an audience.

Midorima stopped and turned to him, “Yes? Furihata, was it?”

“Y-yeah, I…d-do you have a moment?”

The Miracle looked a little confused, but he nodded and followed Furihata to a more private corner by the gym building. “What is it?” he asked, pushing up his glasses.

“Um…I have a question that may seem…a little odd,” Furihata said, shifting from foot to foot. He was already sweating and he’d barely begun the conversation. He just really hoped he didn’t have a panic attack.

Midorima huffed and shifted his lucky item of the day (a mug that said World’s Best Dad) from one hand to the other. “You’ve _met_ Takao. Nothing you ask could compare to his shenanigans.”

“O-okay. Yeah…so…” Clearing his throat, Furihata pushed through the tremors of a very possible future panic attack and blurted, “Do you still keep in contact with Se—Akashi-kun?”

Surprise crossed the green haired boy’s face and he asked, “You know Akashi?”

“Uh…y-yeah, we used to be really close until…until my family moved away. I just…I know he’s not himself and I just want to know how he’s doing or if you’ve maybe talked to him recently or at all or if you maybe know if he’s okay?”

Midorima’s response was a blank stare. For a moment, Furihata thought he’d walk away, but then he sighed and said, “I knew you looked familiar.”

“W-what?” the brunet asked, though it came out as more of a squeak.

Midorima smiled—which softened his featured nicely. If Furihata wasn’t totally terrified of the very idea of the conversation they were having, he would have thought it made the Miracle look handsome. “I’ve seen pictures of you in Akashi’s room. He even used to keep one in his locker in middle school. You’re the friend he always referred to with a sad look in his eyes.”

Furihata did his best not to blush and stammered, “Y-yeah…”

Falling back into his stoic expression, Midorima said, “I’m sorry, we don’t much keep in touch these days.”

“Oh…y-yeah, okay. S-sorry to bother you.”

Before he could turn to leave, the Miracle said, “I do have his number. I could tell him you asked. He’d probably be very happy to hear from you.”

“N-no, please don’t! We’re…It’s probably better if he doesn’t know…It’s probably better if _nobody_ knows, actually,” Furihata said, scratching the back of his neck awkwardly. His palms were so sweaty. He just wanted this conversation to be over.

Midorima nodded, “Understood. May I just ask…what happened between you two?”

Biting his lip, Furihata contemplated how to answer that. He couldn’t exactly see the green haired boy going around and spreading any news, but… “It’s a long story.”

“You know, you’ll have to see him at the Winter Cup if Seirin makes it that far,” Midorima noted.

With a sigh, Furihata mumbled, “I know.” No matter how much he wanted to see his Sei again, he wasn’t entirely prepared for that and hoped that maybe a meteor would strike him down before then so he wouldn’t have to see Akashi and face the fact that he’d probably moved on anyway and it wasn’t even his friend and… “U-until then, I’d rather he ignores my existence.”

“Out of curiosity,” Midorima said, “You mentioned before that you’re aware that he’s not himself. How did you know?”

“I’ve… _met_ this Akashi once.”

With a sudden seriousness to his features, Midorima asked, “And how did he turn back? What happened?”

“D-during a particularly rough patch, t-the other Akashi showed up. He was only there for a day or so and he went away after I asked if Se—the good Akashi was still there.” That brought up so many bad memories. Everything had truly fallen apart by that point for them.

“Then we need to have you two meet again. Maybe if he saw you again, he’d—“

“It’s not that simple,” Furihata shook his head adamantly. “Things between us got…complicated. I don’t think seeing me would help anything. It might actually make it worse.” He knew he’d beat himself up for interrupting later, but for now it was just important that Midorima keeps quiet.

“How could it get any worse?” Midorima asked, surprisingly looking a little desperate. He wanted to bring back his friend too, apparently, which was good, considering the fact that Furihata was probably the absolute worst person to add to the complex mix of things going on with Akashi.

Covering his face in his hands, Furihata groaned, “It’s complicated. Please, just know that seeing me again would make everything so much worse. I can’t do that to him.” If Akashi’s father found out he was back…well, nothing good could come of it.

With a sigh, Midorima said, “Fine. I should get back to my team, we’re leaving soon.”

Furihata dropped his hands and nodded. He was too scared to say anything else, so he watched the green haired Miracle walk off.

He couldn’t move. His entire body felt numb. His limbs were shaking too much for him to even attempt getting back to his own team. He knew if he was late, Coach would punish him for it, but if he took even a single step, he was sure he’d have a full blown panic attack. The familiar flutter in his stomach was enough to let him know, not to mention the trembling, cold sweat, and wooziness.

Instead, he stood there as still as he could until Kiyoshi found him sometime later and led him back to the others one step at a time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The game they play exists. It’s called Ask Me Anything and there are some WEIRD questions. I spent a long time looking for good ones (which didn't work super well, but whatever).


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And so, the Winter Cup begins and our story progresses

The more games Seirin won, the more nervous Furihata became. He wasn’t even playing in them, but Seirin was flying through the Winter Cup preliminaries with relative ease. They had a good shot of making it and if they somehow made it to the top, they would end up facing Rakuzan. The more time passed, the more Furihata wished for that meteor.

Game after game, as Seirin emerged victorious, he could feel his anxiety rising.

What would he even do if he saw the redhead again? What would _Akashi_ do? Would Sei come back like Midorima thought he would? Could it be that easy?

No, it definitely wouldn’t be. Nothing was ever easy for them.

 

 

 “Furihata-kun, could you follow him?” he heard the voice of their Coach say.

He snapped out of his daydreaming and his eyes followed where Coach was looking. He really didn’t want to let on too much that he wasn’t paying attention, so he nodded and spotted Kuroko walking away. “Okay,” he said, obediently following the shadow and hoping he hadn’t missed anything important.

Trailing behind the light blue haired boy, Furihata tried not to get lost in the grandeur of everything. These were the opening ceremonies of the Winter Cup and everything was new and terrifying. He’d been trying to find Akashi (mostly so he could ensure the redhead didn’t see him), but with this being a basketball tournament, everyone was so tall he couldn’t see much of anything. Still, if Coach wanted him to follow Kuroko, then he would. She was already mad at him for being more jumpy than usual.

They exited the building, Furihata catching up with Kuroko, to find a scene that instantly twisted a knot in Furihata’s stomach. The Generation of Miracles (thankfully minus Akashi). They seemed normal enough—Aomine casually spinning a ball on his finer, Murasakibara eating a chocolate bar, Kise on his phone, Midorima with a pair of scissors (which wasn’t even close to the weirdest ‘lucky item’ Furihata had ever seen)—but the air seemed charged. They were all tense, which put Furihata on edge and sent his knees shaking in instant fear.

_What if Akashi showed up too??_ What would he do? Would Akashi recognize him? Maybe he wouldn’t? Was that too much to hope for?

The Miracles present conversed with one another, but there was an undercurrent of anxiety that flared Furihata’s nerves even more. He couldn’t pay attention to anything they were saying. All he could think about was Akashi. He wanted to leave. He wanted nothing to do with the Generation of Miracles. Was it too late to quit the team? If he just left now and never came back, would the team forgive him? Would they notice he was gone? Would Coach kill him slowly?

Kise’s phone ringing brought him from his mind and he hoped that maybe there would be an explanation other than—

“Is that Akashi?” Aomine asked.

Yup. Furihata wanted to die. Maybe Coach would murder him quickly if he went to her and begged to leave the team? That was too much to hope for.

Looking up, he caught Midorima’s green eyes locked on him. Maybe he could help get him out of there? Midorima knew he couldn’t see Akashi again, he could help somehow? He tried to relay his thoughts through their eye contact, but apparently the green haired Miracle wasn’t catching on. He did look a little confused, but that may have been because Furihata was shaking uncontrollably.

He wanted to crawl under a rock and never come out. Except that would require moving, which would actually be really helpful, but none of his limbs seemed to want to listen. He just needed to turn around and run back to the team. He could tell Coach he lost Kuroko, right? Maybe? Except he was a terrible liar. She’d know. But if he died of sheer terror, then maybe—

A smooth voice from atop the stairs drew all of their attention. “I apologize for keeping you waiting.”

“Akashi-kun,” Kuroko said flatly, with a nervous note there that Furihata had never heard before in the shadow’s voice.

Eyes following the rest of the Miracles, Furihata felt his world stop.

The boy standing at the top of the stairs was so familiar…and yet he wasn’t. They hadn’t been this close to one another in years and even through the new wave of panic welling up in him, Furihata couldn’t help but note how breathtakingly beautiful the redhead was. Everything about him was flawless…everything except the one golden eye.

“Daiki, Ryouta, Shintaro, Atsushi, Tetsuya, and Kouki. I’m glad to see you again,” Akashi said as if nothing were amiss. “I’m deeply moved we were all able to meet like this.” Eyes turning to Furihata, he said, “However, there’s someone here who doesn’t belong. Kouki, I wish to speak only to my former teammates.” His gaze not betraying any emotions, Akashi said, “Sorry, could you leave?”

“S-Sei…” Furihata managed to say. He wasn’t even sure how he could still speak. Or maybe he hadn’t actually spoken out loud? It was entirely possible that he’d passed out and this was some sort of personal hell. This wasn’t Sei. This was a stranger with the face of the boy he’d loved. He couldn’t move. His entire body was shaking, tears in his eyes. As much as he wanted to turn and run, he couldn’t.

“Furihata-kun,” Kuroko said, a slight warning in his voice. Except Furihata didn’t need the warning. If he _could,_ he would have ran all the way home, but he wasn’t even sure his legs would carry him back to the gym.

A sudden strong hand on his shoulder had the brunet jumping. He turned to see a familiar tall redhead with a smirk on his face. “Well, you’re no fun,” Kagami said. “Don’t exclude us.”

“Kagami!” Furihata exclaimed, not sure if that was an acceptable greeting or not. He did hope that there was enough desperation in his voice to make Kagami leave, but that was too much to hope for.

“I’m back,” Kagami said. Fearlessly moving forward, he continued, “We’ll talk later. First…” As if he couldn’t even feel how heavy the air was, Kagami said, “You’re Akashi, huh? Glad to meet you.”

Furihata looked up at his old friend and the pause that followed Kagami’s words sent a fresh shiver of dread down his spine. A sudden cold seemed to be emanating from the former Teikou captain. This was so far from his Sei…

Walking down the stairs casually, Akashi said, “Shintaro, may I borrow those scissors?”

“What are you going to use them for?” The Shutoku shooting guard asked, a worried crease on his brow as he handed the scissors over anyway.

“My hair is annoying me. I’ve been wanting to trim it,” Akashi said, taking the scissors. Taking the last few steps down, the shorter of the two redheads said, “First…You’re Kagami-kun, yes?”

Furihata wasn’t sure what he was doing, but he saw Akashi move and he couldn’t stop himself. He moved without thinking. He knew it was a horrible idea, but he didn’t want his new friend getting hurt or his old friend to hurt anyone. _Couldn’t the lucky item today have been a teddy bear??_

He pulled Kagami back at the same time as stepping forward, putting himself in the way. Akashi barely stopped the scissors a few centimeters from the middle of Furihata’s forehead. Completely frozen, Furihata didn’t even dare breathe. He stared at the scissors in Akashi’s hand and felt tears running from his eyes.

Neither of them moved.

He wasn’t even sure if time itself was still moving.

“Furihata-kun?” Kuroko said, cautiously taking Furihata’s shoulder.

Furihata thought he saw a flicker in Akashi’s golden eye as the redhead took a step back and continued like nothing had happened. He cut his hair and spoke to the Miracles, ignoring Furihata entirely. That was probably for the best, seeing as Furihata still couldn’t move.

He wanted to. He wished he could turn around and walk away. Maybe go back to the team…or maybe just passing out would do. Yeah, that sounded nice. Maybe if he passed out there and hit his head on the stairs, he could forget what just happened.

And then Akashi was gone and he wasn’t even sure how much time had passed. He did find Kuroko right in front of him, with Kagami and Midorima nearby. “Furihata-kun, are you okay?” Kuroko asked.

“Obviously he’s not,” Kagami huffed.

Narrowing his unexpressive eyes, Kuroko asked, “Furihata-kun, how do you know Akashi-kun?”

Furihata opened his mouth to speak, but no words came. Instead, he was hit with a very sudden feeling of his breakfast making a comeback. Covering his mouth, he found it in himself to stumble to a nearby trash can and proceeded to vomit. He clung to the cold metal with shaking hands and tried not to think about anything.

As he heaved everything from his stomach out with the disgusting acidic taste of bile, all he could see was Akashi, his hand extended, scissors so close to Furihata’s skin he could almost feel them. The scene replayed in his head and even when he could feel nothing left in his stomach, he clutched the garbage can, too scared to move.

 

 

It took both Kagami and Kuroko to pull him back together enough to even stand without the security of the garbage can. They walked him back slowly, but before they could make it back to the gym, he stammered, “C-c-could you guys…I m-mean…p-please don’t tell anyone what happened, o-okay?”

Kuroko nodded, but Kagami asked, “Why not? Akashi almost fucking killed you!”

“That’s not—“ Furihata stopped himself there and sighed, “Please just don’t.” Arguing that that wasn’t Sei was pointless. After what Akashi just did…

He could have seriously hurt someone. Sure, he’d intended the scissors for Kagami, but they had nearly killed the brunet.

Still…Furihata would have bet his life that he _had_ seen a flicker in Akashi’s golden eye. What that flicker meant, he wasn’t sure, but he hoped against hope that that had been Sei. If Sei was still somewhere in there…could he get him back? Was there even the slightest possibility that he’d get to see his Sei again?

If there was even the tiniest smidgeon of hope, he had to take it. He had to believe that somehow, Sei would come back. And he’d be damned if he didn’t at the very least try.

Would it be terrifying? Probably, but he’d promised Sei’s mom he wouldn’t give up, so he had to plough on and at the very least _try._ They might not be able to be together, but if he could at least make sure Sei was happy again…

Steeling his resolve, Furihata got ready to cheer his teammates on to face their first opponent: Touou.

 

 

The game against Touou almost made him forget what had happened. Watching Aomine and Kagami move on the court was entrancing. It looked less like basketball and more like some fast-paced choreographed dance. Their movements were so quick and the air around them was electric. It was pretty hard to follow. The ball kept changing directions and moving constantly…

The game was a blur of energy.

And then, at the last second, when hope seemed lost, Kuroko passed across the court and Kagami pushed through and made the shot…Time was up. They won.

Cheers erupted, Furihata was pulled into a hug, the team was cheering and jumping and shouting and everything seemed perfect. They did it. Kagami did it. Carrying his team, he had made it. Their toughest enemy to date was defeated.

…except ahead of them lay even more challenges. And eventually, they would face Rakuzan and Akashi.

But that was a thought for another day.

For now, Furihata let himself enjoy the sweet victory. They did have a day off the next day.

 

 

After a food fiasco at Kagami’s house, the team went to watch the next match with the strange blonde who said she was Kagami’s master. Furihata sat through the first half of the Shutoku game seeing it go exactly as expected.

“I’ll be back,” he said, getting up. He needed to stretch his legs for a bit. His knees were still a little weak from the previous day. He may have found the determination to see Sei again, but that didn’t make him any less terrified.

He wandered to a vending machine and figured he might as well grab a drink.

Before he could even think about taking his money out, Kuroko suddenly appeared next to him. He jumped, clutching his chest as his heartrate skyrocketed. He was jittery enough without Kuroko’s sudden appearances.

“Furihata-kun, may we speak?” the shadow asked.

Taking a few deep breaths, Furihata nodded.

“I would like to know how you know Akashi-kun.”

There was a determined look in his eyes, so Furihata looked around to make sure there wasn’t anyone around. “Uh…w-we used to be…friends as kids.”

“How close were you two?”

“Um…we were p-pretty close,” he stammered. Just thinking about the previous day was making him feel nauseous again (though to be fair, that may have been some residual effect of Coach’s poisoned food).

“Then you must have known Akashi-kun before…” Kuroko hesitated.

“B-before he became a different person?” Furihata offered. The shadow nodded and the brunet sighed, “Y-yeah. T-the boy we met yesterday isn’t Se—Akashi, but the real him is still in there, I know it!”

Kuroko tilted his head inquisitively like a puppy. Sometimes he and Nigou looked a little too much alike.

Checking again that they were the only ones in the little hallway, Furihata shuffled his feet and launched into a rant, “Look, this is going to probably sound insane, but it’s not like anything with the Miracles isn’t insane anyway, but yesterday after he nearly killed me, I know—I just _know_ —that I saw his eye flicker. I don’t know if Sei was there for a moment or anything, but he _has_ to be! We have to get him back!”

Kuroko actually smiled and said, “We will. We’ll win our remaining games and face him on the court and we will defeat him.”

“D-do you think that’ll bring him back?”

Kuroko frowned, “I don’t know, but we must try.”

Furihata smiled at the shadow and nodded with determination, “We will!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for everyone who left kudos and comments and just read this. You guys are the best. You keep me writing. 
> 
> Anyway, the next chapter will hopefully be up next week, but I've been heavily editing it, so my apologies if it doesn't quite come out on time.


	5. Chapter 5

Furihata walked out of the locker room with his team on trembling legs.

He had played.

He had actually played in a major tournament game.

This was not a feeling he’d thought he’d ever have. He simultaneously felt like he could float away in happiness and like he might throw up at any moment. It was an interesting mix of emotions.

He was glad that they’d won against Kaijo, but the prospect of facing Rakuzan was not good for his anxiety. This was actually going to happen. They would be facing Akashi. Or…not Furihata personally, probably, but they would be in the same room.

At least the team was happy. They cheerfully congratulated one another on the victory, recounting specific plays that were particularly great and laughing along together. Furihata even found himself swept into the spirit of comradery and he was actually happy—no matter how many flips his stomach did or how much his anxiety kept reminding him that this meant they’d be facing Akashi.

And then Kuroko had to ruin everything by saying that he needed to talk to the team. They went to Kagami’s apartment and the high of their victory quickly disappeared as Kuroko began recounting the tale of the Generation of Miracles.

None of it was particularly surprising to Furihata, though throughout the entire tale, he did consider whether he should tell his tale too. He did have a connection to Akashi, but his connection was more…intimate. Would he even be able to tell his team any of it without descending into a bumbling mess? Probably not.

But what if he did tell them? They were his team. They were all so close…but the Akashi they’d seen wasn’t the one Furihata fell in love with. They were literally different people. Sure, Kuroko explained it, but would it matter?

And if he didn’t tell them and he managed to get Sei back and then what?

Though…even if Sei came back, what would he do? Would he want to be friends again? Would he continue ignoring Furihata? Would they hug and make up?

No, there were too many if’s involved. He’d hold on to his tale of love and heartbreak for now and see where things went. There may not even be a need for it. There was a high likelihood that Sei wouldn’t come back.

 

 

Furihata steeled himself for the hardest thing he’d ever been asked to do.

Coach had told him he was supposed to mark Akashi and he definitely regretted not sharing his connection to the redhead. Maybe if Coach understood how difficult this was for him, she would have put in Kawahara or Fukuda or literally anyone but him.

But he hadn’t shared his story. Kuroko had told them the tale of the Miracles and they’d disbanded, Furihata a bundle of nerves. The entire night, he couldn’t sleep. The victory over Kaijo seemed far away and insignificant. Nothing mattered outside of the game they were in now.

And he was supposed to walk onto the court and face the boy with the face of his childhood love.

The team encouraged him and shakily, he took a step forward onto the court.

A wave of heavy energy hit him like a ton of bricks and his anxiety flared. His entire body was trembling so much he was afraid he’d actually fall apart. Shaky step by shaky step, he faced Akashi and watched the redhead’s unamused eyes staring back at him. There was nothing in those eyes that told him Sei was anywhere in there.

“B-b-b-bring it,” he stammered, doing his best to appear even slightly like a challenge.

Akashi’s expression was completely blank as he turned away for the throw in and Furihata took a step and the next thing he knew, he was flat on his face on the ground. Had he blacked out for a moment? Was it his anxiety? He couldn’t afford to have an attack right now.

Getting up, he brushed off his team’s concerns and trailed behind Akashi on legs of jelly.

He needed to get it together.

All he had to do was follow Coach’s plan and pretend this wasn’t his first love he was facing…

Which was easier said than done.

He did what he had to, but being so close to Akashi was so hard. He wanted nothing more than to just go back to when they were kids and play basketball outside with Sei. Sei had always been so much better than him, but Furihata had never given up then and he couldn’t give up now. So much was resting on him…

And then an opportunity struck him.

He didn’t hesitate. Mayuzumi had walked away and he’d gotten the ball and he took the shot without thinking.

…except he didn’t get to enjoy the feeling of having made an actual basket at an actual game, because before he knew it Akashi was in front of him and his ass was hitting the floor.

He watched from the ground, ankle-broken and trembling as Akashi took his own shot right there in front of him. Furihata couldn’t help but feel like this was supposed to be a slight against him. Some sort of payback for the brunet having scored.

Akashi’s face was still completely blank, but those multi colored eyes glanced down at Furihata and the ice in them was enough to send the cowardly point guard into a new level of terror. Those were not the eyes of his ex-best friend. They were the eyes of Rakuzan’s emperor. Cold and unfeeling. Absolutely nothing like Sei’s soft red eyes…

And then Rakuzan called a timeout and Furihata wasn’t sure how he even made it to the bench, because the next thing he knew, his knees were failing him entirely. He was exhausted, both physically and mentally. Those few minutes he was out on the court had sapped him of all his strength. He had nothing left to give to the game and Coach saw it right away.

He was out. His chance to make a difference was over.

Furihata sat on the bench and watched his teammates walk onto the court. “K-Kuroko…I couldn’t make a difference,” he said, tears stinging his eyes. “It’s so frustrating…” Sei wouldn’t come back just by Furihata being there. Midorima had been entirely wrong. Seeing the brunet had done absolutely nothing to help. If anything, it had made Furihata want to quit the team. Seirin was strong and even if they lost, they’d end up facing the Miracles again and he wasn’t sure if he could continue watching Akashi as he was, parading around like some sort of dictator and tarnishing everyone’s view of Sei. Sei couldn’t even be rude if he tried!

“I know,” Kuroko said, eyes locked on the game.

Except he didn’t know. None of them knew how difficult this was for Furihata.

He wanted to scream out to the world that this wasn’t Sei—that the Akashi they were seeing wasn’t the right one. He wanted everyone to know the Sei who was kind and loving and cared about the people in his life…

But all he could do was cry and watch his team as they faced their greatest challenge so far.

 

 

Furihata could see it. As Kuroko and Kagami began taking back the game, he could see Akashi slowly losing control. He wasn’t sure what that meant for Seirin, but he did see that the better Kagami and Kuroko did, the worse Akashi became. He was losing his cool. His control over the game was gone. What would he do?

The mousy brunet watched him intently, looking for any sign of Sei.

He wasn’t sure if he was sad or happy that Akashi was failing. Sure, it was great for Seirin, but watching Akashi’s every attack stopped was…it was depressing. Furihata realized then that he pitied Akashi.

Akashi had everything, but he had absolutely nothing.

The more he failed, the worse it was.

Everything he did was useless. Kuroko and Kagami working together like that couldn’t be stopped and the better they played, the more Akashi unraveled. Furihata was happy for his team, but it was so sad watching the face of his childhood best friend so full of fear and frustration.

Akashi missed shots and the further he let himself fall, the worse his playing got. Neither Akashi nor Sei had really ever lost before. Not like this, anyway. This was new to them. Furihata had tasted defeat so many times and yet here Akashi was, feeling that empty pit in his stomach. The more he tried, the more he failed.

His teammates turned on him. Furihata could see it. They’d never seen him lose before. All they’d known was Akashi and Akashi never lost. And now that he couldn’t be the captain they all knew, they no longer stood with him. Furihata’s pity for Akashi skyrocketed. The redhead didn’t even have friends. He really had nothing.

And then Rakuzan called a timeout again and Furihata couldn’t even participate in Seirin’s happiness. He watched Akashi shuffle to the bench and wondered what was going on in his head. Furihata had been losing his whole life, he couldn’t even imagine what if would feel like to lose for the first time.

Akashi sat on the bench, staring into space as Mayuzumi lectured him. Furihata couldn’t hear what was being said, but he was sure none of it was good. Rakuzan would turn on Akashi and he’d be completely alone. Yes, Akashi had almost accidentally murdered him with scissors, but he didn’t deserve to lose absolutely everything.

Furihata wanted to cry. Sure, he didn’t really know Akashi and it’d been years since he’d seen Sei, but in a way, that was still his first love sitting almost lifelessly on the bench watching his whole world crumble. He wanted to reverse time and never leave Sei. He wanted to make sure Sei never disappeared in the first place. Maybe then he could be happy. Maybe Akashi would never have even been born. It would just be him and Sei and—

A sudden change in the redhead’s mannerisms struck Furihata as the Rakuzan captain stood.

It came out of nowhere, blindsiding him so hard that he froze.

This was Sei.

If this wasn’t Sei, Furihata was crazy.

It had to be.

Without thinking, Furihata gripped Kuroko’s arm and breathed, “Sei…”

“What was that?” the shadow asked.

Furihata turned to look right into those pale blue eyes and repeated, “Sei. It’s Sei. He’s back.”

Kuroko’s eyes widened and the both of them turned to see Sei bowing to his team.

Furihata burst into happy tears. He couldn’t control them. The overload of emotions expressed itself as intense weeping. Sei was back. Akashi was gone.

The end of the timeout was called and as Sei walked back onto the court, two red eyes landed on Furihata. His best friend smiled at him and all Furihata could do was give something like a smile back through the tears and snot.

This was his Sei. This was the Sei he recognized.

“You okay?” Fukuda asked.

Nodding vehemently, Furihata said, “Y-yeah!” He was going to be okay now. Win or lose, Sei was back, and that was all that mattered.

 

 

Watching Sei play was mesmerizing. His movements were so precise and graceful…Furihata was pretty sure that if he wasn’t already in love with Sei, he’d have fallen right then and there.

Sei was beautiful. Red hair covered in sweat, skin pale and glistening, red eyes tracing the movements of everyone on the court…

It definitely helped to bring Furihata out of his weeping. He sat there, eyes following the redhead’s every move. He’d missed Sei so much. He just wanted to run onto the court and tackle him into a hug and never let go again.

Except…what would Sei’s dad do?

Was he watching? Did he know Furihata was back? Would he make his family move again? But Furihata’s mom didn’t work for Sei’s dad anymore. He couldn’t just transfer her suddenly like had the last time. Besides, Sei lived in Kyoto.

…but would he punish Sei for Furihata being back?

 

 

Walking from the gym, ready for a five day nap, Furihata inhaled the cool winter air.

He’d gone ahead after the whole ceremony and left the team celebrating. He wasn’t entirely in a celebratory mood. He just wanted to go home and sleep.

This felt…bittersweet. They’d won and Sei was back, but now he felt empty. Yes, they won, but they would be facing the Miracles again and they would all only get stronger. And yes, Sei was back, but even the prospect of talking to him seemed too difficult. Furihata had had enough of an emotional rollercoaster for one day, he didn’t need—

“Kouki!”

He froze. Turning, he found Sei running up to him. The redhead looked tired, but happy. He had a smile on his lips that shone through his eyes. Furihata couldn’t help it when he smiled back, “Sei…”

“Could we talk?”

Smile falling, Furihata looked down at the ground and he could feel fear creeping up his back again. “I…I d-don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“Why?” came the soft reply.

Looking up, Furihata found that a dejected look had replaced the previous smile. It was all happening again. Steeling himself as much as he could, the brunet said, “Sei, I can’t lose you again, and…if…if we part here…” He cleared his throat to try and get rid of the lump forming there. This was more difficult than he’d imagined. Looking down at his hands, he said, “I can’t put you through that again, Sei. We just…” He was losing his battle with the tears already forming in his eyes. He didn’t want to do this, but he _had_ to.

“Kouki, if this is about the scissors…I know I can’t ever apologize enough for it, but I am truly—“

“No, it’s not about that, I know that wasn’t you, it’s about your dad!” He could feel the tears streaking down his cheeks, the cold wind of winter chilling them instantly. “If he finds out I’m back in your life, what’ll he do this time?! Sure, he can’t just transfer my mom somewhere, but he could punish _you_ for it and I couldn’t live with that! Sei, I _can’t_ do that to you! Y-you’re back a-a-and you can be happy now and—“ He tried to wipe the tears away, but they just kept coming. He hadn’t cried this much in one day since…well, since he found out he was moving.

“Kouki—“

“N-no, Sei. I’m sorry, but I can’t.”

“Can we talk about this? Please, Kouki—“

Through his blurry vision, Furihata saw Sei taking a step closer. Before the redhead could even come within arm’s length, the brunet turned around and ran.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh boy it's been a rough week. Almost forgot to update, but here it is! 
> 
> The ending is still not a hundred percent done and it is quickly approaching. Hopefully I can get it all wrapped up in time, but please be patient if maybe the weekly updates aren't quite on time. 
> 
> Thank you everyone who left comments and kudos (or just took the time to read this)! I never know how to respond to comments, but I love them all thank you guys so much! You keep me writing!


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Henceforth, Furi shall once again be known as Kouki.

“Furihata-kun, Akashi-kun keeps asking about you. Why will you not return his calls and messages?” Kuroko asked, appearing seemingly out of nowhere as Kouki helped shelve books. He sometimes forgot that the shadow was _also_ on the library committee.

Still…how was he supposed to respond? Kuroko had given Sei his number and the brunet had dropped his phone when he’d heard that gorgeous smooth voice. That had been a few days prior and he’d ignored every call and text he received (even if he _had_ put Sei’s number into his contacts).

“He’s worried about you,” Kuroko continued. “As am I and the rest of the team. You have not been acting like yourself since the Winter Cup.”

Kouki looked around for an escape, but it was just him and Kuroko in the library. He could run for it like he’d run from Sei, but…he couldn’t run from his team forever. Taking a deep breath, he said, “L-look, Kuroko, Se—Akashi and I have a… _complicated_ relationship. It’s better for everyone if we just…if he moved on.”

Kuroko frowned, “I do not believe that Akashi-kun is willing to do that.” Putting a hand on Kouki’s shoulder, the shadow said, “And I do not think that you do either.”

Taking a step back, Kouki looked at the books he was supposed to put away and shook his head, “It doesn’t matter what either of us want, I can’t…it’s not our choice and I’m _not_ putting us through that again.” Picking up the next book, he plucked it into its slot and said, “Please tell him I’m fine and that he should give up.”

“I can’t do that,” Kuroko responded, his voice tense.

“Well you have to!” Kouki snapped. “He’s back to himself now so he can go and be happy and find someone his dad won’t despise and—“ Damn it, he was on the verge of tears _again._ Shutting his mouth, he went back to putting books away.

Kuroko sighed and took the hint, walking away dejectedly.

Kouki couldn’t let Sei and himself go through such emotional trauma again. He’d rather continue living miserably. It was better for the both of them. 

 

 

In the weeks since the Winter Cup victory, Kouki had no idea what to do with himself. He was slipping further into apathy than he ever remembered being. He constantly felt numb. He couldn’t get himself to focus on anything. His mind kept wandering to Sei. Sei who could be happy without him…Sei who had looked crushed when Kouki told him they were better off staying separated.

He couldn’t even get himself to come to practice. He’d told Coach he was sick, but really he just couldn’t bring himself to tell her he didn’t want to be on the team anymore. She’d been surprisingly understanding. Maybe she thought he needed a break. He did, but the break he had in mind was more permanent.

As he got ready to go home on Friday, Kagami walked up to him and asked, “Hey, Furi, you got a minute?”

“Coach has been asking about you,” Kuroko said, appearing out of nowhere.

It didn’t even scare Kouki anymore. He just wished he could disappear like the shadow. He didn’t want to talk to anyone. The thought of explaining what was wrong made him feel sick. Looking down at the ground, he shrugged and shuffled away.

Before he could get into the hallway, he heard Kuroko say, “Coach asked us to. Do it.”

A heavy sigh from Kagami was shortly followed by Kouki being thrown over a wide shoulder. Clinging to the redhead’s shirt, he stuttered out, “W-what’re you doing?”

“Coach said she’d quadruple our usual training if we didn’t bring you to her. I’m not messing with that.”

Ah. That made a bit of sense. He’d probably taken too much time off. He slumped into Kagami and let himself be carried. He didn’t want to walk anyway and if he didn’t have to go home just yet…

Kagami carried him into the gym, where he was unceremoniously dumped at Coach’s feet. She looked furious, arms crossed and jaw tense. The rest of the team was there too. Kouki stood up in front of her and she asked in her most authoritative tone, “Why have you been skipping practice? I said I’d give you a few days. It’s been more than that.”

Kiyoshi walked closer and asked, “Are you okay? You seem…not like yourself.”

The gym got quiet. They were all watching him and waiting for a response. He didn’t feel up to it, but if they continued to expect him at practice, he had to tell them…except he’d hoped to do so privately, just him and Coach. It seemed nothing would ever work out how he wanted.

“Furi, no matter what it is, we’re your friends, we can help,” Fukuda said.

Kouki didn’t know what to say. He knew they cared for him, but…

Taking a deep breath, he looked down at Coach and said simply, “I quit.”

There was a collective gasp from the team, but Coach’s surprise morphed quickly into rage. In a low and tense voice, she asked, “Quit?”

He nodded. It felt better to have it out there, though. “I can’t play basketball anymore. I quit the team.” He knew he should probably thank them for being so good to him, but he’d said everything he needed to and he didn’t want to talk any more than was absolutely necessary.

Snapping, Coach growled, “What do you mean you quit the team?! You can’t just quit! What the hell is this about?!”

He remained silent, watching her anger mount as the rest of the team looked on in shock.

“What, you have nothing to say for yourself?! We just won with _your_ help, so don’t you dare give me a self-pity speech! Why the fuck would you quit now?! We _won_!”

She went on yelling, throwing obscenities and demanding an explanation.

At any other point in the school year, he would have been terrified, but standing there watching her fume, he didn’t feel a thing. Would he miss the team? Probably…maybe at a time when he could distance himself more from Sei.

It had taken him years the first time around, but this time it was his choice, so maybe it would take less to get back to something resembling normal? That time didn’t seem to be coming anytime soon. Whenever he closed his eyes, all he could see was the sadness on Sei’s beautiful face.

A sudden stinging brought him from his thoughts and he clutched the cheek where Coach had slapped him.

“Just tell us what’s wrong?!” she yelled.

“Yeah, we’ll help for sure!” Captain said, nodding with determination.

They didn’t understand, though. Shaking his head, Kouki said, “There’s nothing to help with.” Seeing the concern on all of their faces, he forced himself to smile and said, “I appreciate the concern, but you guys just…there’s nothing anyone can do. It’s just how life is and right now, I can’t play basketball anymore. Please don’t ask why and please just let it go. I’m sorry.”

With that, he walked away. He half expected Coach to murder him as he went, but no such thing happened. He exited the gym and took the longest way home he could.

 

 

Kouki didn’t want to be home, but he couldn’t think of anywhere else to go. He didn’t even bother seeing if anyone was home before he walked up to his room and flopped on his bed. He felt sluggish. Nothing really seemed to matter. He just wanted to melt into his bed and disappear.

A knock on his door made him regret not locking it. His mom walked in without an invitation and flicked on the light. He didn’t want to see her or anyone else. He just wanted the earth to swallow him up whole so he wouldn’t have to deal with anyone anymore.

She sat down at his desk and he sat up lethargically. He didn’t want to talk to her, but he’d let her talk _at_ him. He knew the spiel anyway. She’d probably give him the same speech she used to give him when they’d first moved to Tokyo.

Taking a deep breath, she said, “Kouki…I can’t watch you go through this again. I think…maybe it would be a good idea for you to go see a doctor about this. I can—“

Anger flaring, he snapped, “I don’t need a shrink, I’m fine!”

“You’re not fine! Please, you’ve been acting like this since the basketball tournament and I know you ran into Sei again and—“

“And you’ll be happy to know that I’ve already dealt with it! You don’t have to worry about the Akashi family anymore!” He was yelling, but he didn’t care. He couldn’t stop it. “Sei knows we can’t be together and he can be happy without me! He can move on and I got over it last time, so it’ll happen again eventually and—“

“Kouki, this isn’t dealing with it! You’re depressed and I’m worried that this time around, you’ll—“

She cut herself off and he glared at her. “I’ll what?” he spat. “If you’re afraid I’ll kill myself, joke’s on you, I died when I had to tell the love of my life that I didn’t even want to talk to him!” He could picture Sei’s face filled with sadness so clearly. Tears stung his eyes, but he pushed through. His anger wasn’t done yet. “You know, I understand why Sei’s dad separated us in the first place, I do, and I get it! Sei _can’t_ have me in his life and that’s fine! He doesn’t need me!” The tears spilled over and he wiped at them furiously with shaking hands. Sniffling, he cried, “Just leave me alone! I don’t wanna hear anything you have to say anymore!”

“Just…answer one question for me, okay?” his mom asked softly, taking a seat next to him on the bed.

“W-what?”

“Are you _sure_ you still love him?”

Giving her an incredulous look through the tears, he sniffled and said, “Yeah, obviously I do. If I didn’t, this would be really easy.” He didn’t want to think about Sei, but he couldn’t help it. Just being home…the house itself reminded him of how much he _couldn’t_ love Sei anymore. Descending into weeping, he let the sadness take his anger over and the pain in his chest made him double over on himself. He didn’t want to feel anymore. He just wanted it to be over. He wished he didn’t love Sei anymore. Everything would be so much better if he had moved on instead of hanging on to his feelings.

But no, he’d kept them. Every time Sei was featured in a sports magazine with the Generation of Miracles, he had let the warm feeling of seeing the redhead again take over. Every time he thought of Sei, he couldn’t help but love him still. It didn’t make sense. They hadn’t spoken in years, there was no reason for him to feel so strongly about a boy who was really practically a stranger to him…but he did. He’d promised Sei’s mom he wouldn’t give up on their love, and in the worst way, he hadn’t.

“Baby, it’ll be okay,” Kouki’s mom said softly, pulling him into her arms. “It’s gonna be okay. We’ll get through this.”

He couldn’t see how that could ever happen, but he didn’t have any strength left to speak. He let himself cry in her arms, mourning the loss of his love once again.

 

 

After he’d calmed down a little, she took him downstairs and made him omurice. She even chased his brother away and put on Kouki’s favorite show. As he sat in the living room, picking at his favorite dish, he couldn’t get his hands to stop shaking. He just felt so tired. He wanted it to be over. He wished Seirin had never even made it to the Winter Cup. He knew that was a selfish thought, but he couldn’t help it. If he’d never run into Sei again, he could have just continued drifting through life.

He watched the characters on the TV save the world again. If only it were that simple. Their only problems were physical enemies. Evildoers who wanted to kill everyone and destroy everything. Real life wasn’t that black and white. He wanted to continue loving Sei, but that love had been the cause of their problems. And Sei’s dad hadn’t meant to ruin their lives (probably), he just did what he thought was best for his son. It was _complicated._ Superheroes didn’t have to deal with complicated.

A very sudden yelling from the kitchen made him jump. That had been English. His mom only ever talked to clients in English and she’d _never_ yelled at a client before. He looked back and found her angrily shouting into her phone.

Kouki wasn’t good at English, but he did pick out a few choice words that Kagami had taught them. They were mostly swears.

He was able to pick out other words here and there, but his mom’s English was much better than his and the things he heard didn’t seem to connect much. Once in a while she’d stop and listen to whoever she was talking to while gritting her teeth, only to be back to yelling soon after.

His brother walked downstairs and turned his eyes to Kouki, “What’s going on?”

Kouki shook his head and shrugged. He had no idea. Well, he did have some ideas, but he couldn’t see his mom yelling at a shrink over the phone. He just watched his mom march around the kitchen, phone pressed to her head as she argued with someone over the phone.

His brother nodded and said, “Right. Well, I’m gonna go, I do _not_ want to be here when she’s through with that.”

As his brother fled upstairs, the mood of the phone conversation changed. His mom stopped yelling and instead switched to the voice she had used on her kids when she needed to explain something they didn’t understand. Low and patient, with an undercurrent of exhaustion.

She glanced back at Kouki and said to him, “Eat, sweetie, everything’s okay.” With that, she walked to her office and shut the door.

Kouki had no idea what to do, so he picked at his omurice and glued his eyes to the TV, where the familiar heroes saved the day once more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there will be 8 chapters, so my buffer is almost gone BUT thanksgiving break will give me some time to actually write, so hopefully everything will be done on time. 
> 
> Thank you guys for reading~


	7. Chapter 7

Kouki spent the rest of both Friday and Saturday between the couch in the living room and his bed. He didn’t want to eat, and sleep was the only relief he got from thoughts of Sei. He had turned his phone off so he didn’t have to see the names of his friends flashing on the screen with calls and messages asking if he was okay. He thought it had been fairly obvious that he was far from okay.

Still, they wanted to know how he was and he had to go back to school. He could always beg to transfer somewhere, but what good would that do? Then he’d lose everything all over again. As annoying as it was that they wouldn’t leave him alone, it was nice to know that he still had people who cared about him. Maybe when he worked through this, he could tell them what had happened.

Sunday morning, his mom came into his room and said, “Hey, Kouki, you awake?”

He turned to her and mumbled, “Mmhm.”

“Shower and get dressed, okay?”

So she _had_ made an appointment for him to see a shrink? Therapy seemed like a pretty good option. He didn’t see any other way to go and no matter how hard things were, he had people that cared for him. He needed to try, and if that meant talking to a stranger about his issues, then so be it. Maybe he’d even get some medication that would make it easier. He didn’t know what to expect, but anything was better than feeling like he was slowly dying of heartbreak.

It still took a lot of effort to get up and he stayed in the shower longer than was probably acceptable, but moving seemed like too much work. Getting dressed was the same story. He didn’t know what was expected of him, so he threw on a plain white shirt, jeans, and grabbed his Seirin jacket. Putting it on felt a little like betrayal. He wasn’t on the team anymore, he shouldn’t be wearing it…but it was comforting. Familiar. He’d grown attached to it.

Wandering down the stairs, he found his mom ready to go. “Do you want to eat breakfast?” she asked. He shook his head and she sighed, “Then…we’ll get some food after, okay?”

He didn’t want to eat, but he also didn’t want to worry his mom more than he already had, so he nodded and followed her out to the car.

As he buckled himself in, he remembered jumping out of this same car to run back to Sei. He’d still had some hope then that if he and Sei just hid away together, their parents would leave them to be happy. What a naïve thought that had been.

He watched the city pass and his mom listened to some radio news broadcast. The streets soon passed where he was familiar with, but his mom seemed to know where she was going. She didn’t even need a GPS, she just drove.

The buildings around them got taller and the streets busier. Occasionally, his mom would shout abuse at the other drivers, but she remained pretty calm. It was fairly early in the day still, so for a Sunday, the streets weren’t too packed. Kouki liked watching the people on the streets, some hurrying from place to place, others strolling about the streets, taking pictures and smiling together. Their lives seemed so simple. They looked so happy. Of course, he had no idea what was actually going on in their lives, but he liked to imagine the best. They smiled with their friends and family, meandering about Tokyo on their days off.

And then his mom turned into a parking garage. There was a lady at a guard station and his mom rolled down the window and the woman said, “State your business.”

“We have an appointment. Furihata,” his mom responded.

The woman looked at her computer and nodded, “Go ahead.”

As the gate lifted and they drove in, Kouki noticed some _fancy_ cars. He was more of a train guy, but he knew enough about cars to know that none of the ones parked there were in the price range for your average citizen. His mom parked in a spot that said ‘guest’ and when they walked from the car to a fancy looking lobby, he asked in a hushed whisper, “Mom, where are we?”

She ignored him and walked to the man at the front desk. “Hi, we’re the nine o’clock. I know we’re a little late, but he should understand.”

The guy nodded and said, “One moment.”

The man picked up a phone and Kouki tugged on his mom’s sleeve, “Seriously, mom, what is this? What kind of therapist are you sending me to?”

“Just be patient, Kouki, you’ll see,” she responded.

The man put the phone down and nodded, “He’s expecting you. Go ahead.”

He motioned them over to an elevator and the doors opened for them. His mom didn’t even press any buttons, the elevator just started moving up and Kouki was more confused than he’d ever been in his life. What was happening? And why did his mom look a little too sure of herself? Something was definitely not right here.

They went all the way to the top floor, which made Kouki even more uneasy. He wasn’t very good with heights. Still, he was already so confused, why not add one of his many fears into the pile of feelings?

When the elevator doors opened, his mom walked him out and down a nicely decorated hallway to a large door. She knocked and a cold voice said, “Come in.”

Okay, if that was how his shrink sounded, he was sure this was a bad idea. There was way too much authority in that voice.

He turned to her in a panic, but then she opened the door and he froze.

In front of him was a large fancy office. The office itself didn’t really matter, though. The two people _in_ the office, however, were a different story. They were sitting on a nice long couch with another couch in front of it, separated by a glass coffee table.

Sei looked about as shocked as Kouki felt. His red eyes were wide with surprise and he was petrified in the middle of writing something. His pen was hovering over the page and apparently he hadn’t been expecting this either. He was dressed in a nice gray suit and looked ready for a business meeting.

Sei’s dad looked…emotionless. His face was completely blank. “Please sit,” he said, motioning to the other couch.

Kouki was pretty sure his mom said something, but he didn’t hear it.

Every emotion he’d ever felt rushed back to him in an overwhelming flood. He didn’t know what to feel. He felt everything. He was shocked to see Sei and his dad, angry at his mom for not telling him, horrified that the person his mom had probably been yelling at was Sei’s dad…the list went on and not a single emotion stuck out more than the others. He felt dizzy. His mind was racing and his hands were already trembling.

“Kouki, come on,” his mom said, taking his hand.

She pulled him to the other couch, but every step he took made him feel more and more like he just wanted to throw up and maybe fling himself from one of the huge windows. Yeah, that seemed like the easiest way to sort his emotions out. His eyes darted from Sei to Sei’s dad and back again. Nothing made any sense.

When they got to the couch, he sat across from Sei and gave the redhead a confused look—a question to see if maybe he knew what was going on.

Sei just dropped his pen and looked back at him with the same level of confusion. This didn’t help. If Sei didn’t know what was happening…

Sei’s dad took a deep breath and said, “Look, I…have been informed that I may have—“

“No,” Kouki’s mom said, her voice cold. _She just interrupted Sei’s dad!_ “That’s not good enough. It’s not ‘ _may have’_ , Akashi,” she spat the name with venom.

Sei’s dad actually looked down in shame. Kouki was past thinking. He had no idea what to think. He didn’t even know what to feel. Sei, on the other hand, seemed to pull himself together a little. He looked between the adults and asked, “Dad, what’s going on? Why…?”

“Well? Tell them,” Kouki’s mom said, crossing her arms and leaning back in the couch. She looked about ready to explode, her sudden anger rolling off of her in waves.

Sei’s dad nodded and looked down at some paperwork lying on the table. Clearing his throat, he said, “I’m sorry.”

“ _Sorry_?” Sei asked, looking at his dad like the man had just caught fire. “You’re _sorry_? Now? After so many years?”

“I let my pride blind me, but…it has been pointed out to me that I made a grave miscalculation when—“

“Trying to run from the fact that your son is interested in men is not a miscalculation,” Kouki’s mom interjected again. “Look, I know it’s hard for you, but your apology here isn’t sounding sincere. As a mother, I will sit here all week until you do this properly if I have to. Don’t test me, my son has gone through hell because of your ignorance and so help me if you don’t fix this, I will burn your company to the ground, do you understand?! You’re not five years old and you _know_ that Shiori would be _very_ disappointed in you.”

At the mention of the name Shiori, Sei’s dad got a sad and distant look on his face. It clicked then that that was Sei’s mom’s name. The man looked up at Kouki and Kouki was about ready to pass out. Nothing made sense anymore. “My wife…before she died, she told me that I had made the biggest mistake of my life by sending you away. I just…I needed to protect my son, and—“

“That’s an excuse,” Kouki’s mom said.

“I know, but Seijuro’s life would be easier if—“

“If you ripped happiness away from him at every turn? He’s a child, _your_ child! I get trying to do everything you can to help your baby, but _this_ isn’t about him, it’s about you not wanting to accept it! You can’t just wish away a part of who he is!”

Sei nodded, “She’s right. You can’t change who I love, dad. I understand that this must be hard for you, but I love Kouki and we both promised mom we wouldn’t give up.”

Sei’s dad sighed in defeat and shut his eyes, “Look, this goes against everything I have ever learned, but…” He looked over at his son and gave Sei a sad smile, “I will try. I won’t get in your way, just _please_ promise me you will be careful?”

“Dad, you know I can handle myself,” Sei responded.

Kouki’s mom smiled at Sei and said, “Well, this is progress. Now, Kouki hasn’t eaten in days, so we adults will go grab you kids something to eat and I will explain the difference between ‘try’ and ‘do’. You boys have fun now. Come, Akashi-san.”

She got up and Sei’s dad followed her. The man looked defeated. Though, after being chewed out by his mom, Kouki could understand. When she got angry, nothing stopped her.

Once the adults left the room and the door shut behind them, Kouki’s eyes turned to Sei and he asked, “W-what just…was that real? Tell me I’m dreaming.”

Sei shook his head, “I…honestly don’t know.”

Kouki was still stuck being pelted by different emotions. He didn’t know what to think or feel… “Now what?” he asked.

Sei looked up at Kouki with hope in his brilliant red eyes. “I…D-do you…I mean…if you don’t want to talk about it or anything, that’s fine, I just…I still love you, Kouki, and if the last few minutes actually just happened, I think…I don’t think my dad will be an issue anymore.”

Kouki’s flood of emotions finally let one stick above the rest and he was suddenly crying. Judging by the immediate concern on Sei’s face, the redhead hadn’t been expecting that. Either had Kouki. He wiped at his eyes and shook his head, “S-sorry, I just…I l-love you too.” The knot that had been twisting in his stomach seemed to disintegrate into butterflies and he was still pretty sure he was dreaming, but as he cried, he was somewhere between elated and terrified that none of this was real. “P-please don’t leave me again! Sei I missed you!”

Sei was suddenly there on the couch next to him. Two strong arms pulled him into a solid warm chest and if Kouki hadn’t already been overwhelmed, the feeling of Sei next to him would have done it. The redhead ran a hand through coarse brown hair and said, “I missed you too. I’m never leaving you again, I promise.”

Kouki clung to Sei and his sudden fit of crying began subsiding. Sei was there with him. _His_ Sei. Beautiful and strong and absolutely perfect. He wiped the last of his tears away and hugged Sei tight. His heart was pounding and he was pretty sure Sei could feel it, but that didn’t really matter.

He couldn’t believe it. Sei was back in his life again and this time for good. With a sudden realization, Kouki felt his face heat up as he asked, “W-wait, does this make us boyfriends?”

Sei leaned back enough to look Kouki in the eyes. With a smile, he said, “I certainly hope so.”

Kouki smiled back and said, “Wow nobody’s gonna believe this.” He hadn’t been this happy in years. Everything just…it actually seemed to be working out for once.

“Believe what?”

“That I’m lucky enough to have someone as incredible as you for a boyfriend.”

Sei huffed, “I’m the lucky one.”

Before he could stop himself, Kouki said, “Have you seen yourself? You’re practically a model.”

“And you’re an angel. I think I win.”

Kouki felt his face heating up in embarrassment, “That was really cheesy, Sei.”

“I know, but it’s true.” Sei’s hand came up to Kouki’s cheek. Red eyes locked onto brown and Kouki was _really_ sure he was dreaming.

…but if it was a dream…might as well make it a good one?

Heart pounding, Kouki leaned in slowly and gave Sei a soft chaste little kiss.

Before he could back away and probably die of happiness right there, Sei pulled him back in and Kouki hadn’t been expecting it, but this wasn’t like any other kiss they’d previously shared. There was a tenderness to it that sent Kouki’s mind spinning and his heart racing.

He couldn’t quite help himself when he grabbed Sei and pulled him closer. There was a drive in him that he was pretty sure translated into desperation, but he didn’t care. He _needed_ Sei. Needed him like he needed air.

There was a spark between them that he knew couldn’t be one-sided. Being with Sei was electrifying. Every nerve in his body was actively screaming for him to never let Sei go again.

Their lips parted, but they stayed close. There was a blush on Sei’s cheeks and Kouki grinned. “I love you.”

Sei grinned back and said, “I love you too.” Giving Kouki another quick kiss, he said, “I can’t wait to face you again on the court. You were so cute I had to stop myself from running right to you the moment I took back control.”

With an awkward chuckle, Kouki said, “Yeah…I’m not sure if Coach will ever let me near our team again. I sort of…quit and she didn’t take it well.”

“You quit basketball?” Sei asked, raising a brow.

Looking away, Kouki mumbled, “Y-yeah, well, I thought I couldn’t see you again, so…”

“That is unacceptable. You need to un-quit.”

“If it were that easy,” Kouki grumbled.  “You haven’t met Coach, she’ll murder me if I go back to her days after quitting and ask to be back on the team.”

“Then let’s call a team meeting and explain the situation. I have the rest of the day off and I was going to see Kuroko anyway, I wanted to thank him for keeping an eye on you for me.”

“H-he was?” Kouki asked.

“He’s the best person to, yes, though…he’s sometimes a little too sparse with his words. He should have told me you quit the team, but his last update to me was that you were still sad. In retrospect, he’s probably not a very reliable spy.”

“If he described the state I was in Friday as ‘sad’, then yeah. And I don’t actually have the authority to call a team meeting.” Rushing on, Kouki said, “Besides, I…I don’t want to see anyone else today.”

With a brilliant smile, Sei said, “Then today will be just about us. I’ll be back in town again next week, though.”

“Then if I live until then, we should definitely hang out if you have some free time.”

“Absolutely. I wouldn’t dream of visiting Tokyo without coming to see you. You are my boyfriend, after all.”

“I love the sound of that so much.”

He was about to kiss Sei again when there was a knock on the door and Kouki’s mom asked, “Hey, we’re back, are you decent?”

“Oh my god, mom!” Kouki screeched.

As he melted into a puddle of embarrassment, dropping his forehead on Sei’s shoulder, the redhead laughed and answered, “Yes, we are.”

The door opened and Kouki’s mom walked in with Sei’s dad in tow, bags of food between them. “I didn’t know what you boys were in the mood for, so I got a bit of everything. Now, I will be going home now, you boys enjoy and behave yourselves and if he,” she pointed at Sei’s dad, “Gives you any trouble, you call me and I will once again remind him that a mother’s fury knows no bounds. Have fun!”

As she left and they were left alone with Sei’s dad, Sei said, “We’ll go eat in the break room.”

His dad nodded stiffly, “Right. Good idea.”

Sei grabbed some food bags at random and took Kouki’s hand, “We have a lot of catching up to do.”

Before they could leave, Sei’s dad said, “Kouki?” The boys turned and Sei’s dad sighed, “Please take care of my son. He…seems happier with you around.”

Kouki couldn’t help the dopey grin on his face as he squeezed Sei’s hand and said, “I will.” Things had actually worked out for them for once.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so this is technically the last chapter, but I've been trying (and failing) to write a cute little epilogue and I wanted to upload it with the last chapter as a fun two chapter update, but school has thoroughly kicked my butt and I haven't had any motivation left for writing anything for fun. 
> 
> That was an awful run-on sentence, but yeah. There will eventually be more to this story. Maybe I'll finally be able to write cute happy things once this semester is officially over. Perhaps I will update next on Akashi's birthday later this month. Hopefully. Maybe. 
> 
> Thank you to everyone who read this and left kudos and comments! You guys are the best and I never know how to respond to comments but I love them and they seriously keep me going. I reread them when I'm feeling particularly down and it definitely cheers me up so thank you all so much!

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Chapter 2 should be up next week or so.


End file.
